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Back in the day I attended a small Christian school in Mililani. One of our subjects was Cathecism. Memorizing verses was not fun when I was 5 years old (or any age for me for that matter). While I only was there for two years, I continued to go to church until I was in high school. Of course, I’d go to Sunday school and of course I’d learn the fabulous stories from the Bible.

While I currently don’t consider myself religious, I have to say that I did enjoy the stories from Sunday school, not necessarily from a spiritual standpoint, but because my parents weren’t exactly the type to read me a bed time story before they tucked me in. They probably gave me a science book or a calculator to play with instead. So bible stories were, in a way, my “Where the Wild Things Are”…my “Goodnight Moon”…my “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.”

I had my falling out with organized religion in college and haven’t picked up the good book since. Then I saw the light…so to speak. One of my recent finds is a list of the “Most Badass Bible Verses” on cracked.com.

Number 6 on the list comes from Judges 3:16-23:

Now Ehud had made a double-edged sword about a foot and a half long, which he strapped to his right thigh under his clothing. He presented the tribute to Eglon king of Moab, who was a very fat man. After Ehud had presented the tribute, he sent on their way the men who had carried it. At the idols near Gilgal he himself turned back and said, “I have a secret message for you, O king.”

The king said, “Quiet!” And all his attendants left him.

Ehud then approached him while he was sitting alone in the upper room of his summer palace and said, “I have a message from God for you.” As the king rose from his seat, Ehud reached with his left hand, drew the sword from his right thigh and plunged it into the king’s belly. Even the handle sank in after the blade, which came out his back. Ehud did not pull the sword out, and the fat closed in over it. Then Ehud went out to the porch; he shut the doors of the upper room behind him and locked them.

Jesus.

Who would have thought these awesome little nuggets existed. It made me realize that the bible, with all its secular significance, is still a great (badass even) story book. And that you don’t mess with people named Ehud.