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Back in the day I attended a small Christian school in Mililani. One of our subjects was Cathecism. Memorizing verses was not fun when I was 5 years old (or any age for me for that matter). While I only was there for two years, I continued to go to church until I was in high school. Of course, I’d go to Sunday school and of course I’d learn the fabulous stories from the Bible.

While I currently don’t consider myself religious, I have to say that I did enjoy the stories from Sunday school, not necessarily from a spiritual standpoint, but because my parents weren’t exactly the type to read me a bed time story before they tucked me in. They probably gave me a science book or a calculator to play with instead. So bible stories were, in a way, my “Where the Wild Things Are”…my “Goodnight Moon”…my “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie.”

I had my falling out with organized religion in college and haven’t picked up the good book since. Then I saw the light…so to speak. One of my recent finds is a list of the “Most Badass Bible Verses” on cracked.com.

Number 6 on the list comes from Judges 3:16-23:

Now Ehud had made a double-edged sword about a foot and a half long, which he strapped to his right thigh under his clothing. He presented the tribute to Eglon king of Moab, who was a very fat man. After Ehud had presented the tribute, he sent on their way the men who had carried it. At the idols near Gilgal he himself turned back and said, “I have a secret message for you, O king.”

The king said, “Quiet!” And all his attendants left him.

Ehud then approached him while he was sitting alone in the upper room of his summer palace and said, “I have a message from God for you.” As the king rose from his seat, Ehud reached with his left hand, drew the sword from his right thigh and plunged it into the king’s belly. Even the handle sank in after the blade, which came out his back. Ehud did not pull the sword out, and the fat closed in over it. Then Ehud went out to the porch; he shut the doors of the upper room behind him and locked them.

Jesus.

Who would have thought these awesome little nuggets existed. It made me realize that the bible, with all its secular significance, is still a great (badass even) story book. And that you don’t mess with people named Ehud.

As a “public relations practitioner,” especially one in the field of public affairs, I have become a current affairs junkie. Spending even one day without reading a newspaper or watching the news or reading a magazine makes me feel nervous. I even have a fabulous Firefox addon called WizzRSS to keep up with my RSS feeds.

Neurotic? Yes. Although if you know me, you’ve already figured that out.

I took an inventory of my RSS feeds, which I browse on a daily basis and it includes the following:

Local News

  • Honolulu Advertiser
  • Honolulu Star-Bulletin
  • KITV
  • KGMB
  • KHON
  • KHNL
  • Pacific Business News

National News

  • MSNBC
  • CNN
  • Fox News
  • San Francisco Chronicle
  • Oregonian
  • New York Times

Other News

  • Google News
  • Yahoo News
  • The Economist
  • BBC
  • Utne
  • Time
  • Newsweek

This doesn’t even include any of the blogs that I keep track of. I probably spend at least 1-2 hours reading news everyday. Not sure if that is good or bad….maybe both?

I guess living on an island gets to me sometimes and its nice to feel connected to the rest of the world, even if its just reading about it.

The other great thing about reading a lot of news is finding jewels such as this one:
It’s funny how a great headline can make one’s afternoon just a wee bit brighter. On that note I leave you with two questions:

  1. Where do you get your news?
  2. What was the most memorable headline you have ever read?


Read this article from CNN (well, Mental Floss) yesterday. If you thought you’re party was banging, check this story out:

Admiral Edward Russell’s 17th-Century throwdownThink you can drink like a sailor? Maybe you should take a moment to reflect on what that truly means.

The record for history’s largest cocktail belongs to British Lord Admiral Edward Russell. In 1694, he threw an officer’s party that employed a garden’s fountain as the punch bowl.

The concoction? A mixture that included 250 gallons of brandy, 125 gallons of Malaga wine, 1,400 pounds of sugar, 2,500 lemons, 20 gallons of lime juice, and 5 pounds of nutmeg.

A series of bartenders actually paddled around in a small wooden canoe, filling up guests’ cups. Not only that, but they had to work in 15-minute shifts to avoid being overcome by the fumes and falling overboard.

The party continued nonstop for a full week, pausing only briefly during rainstorms to erect a silk canopy over the punch to keep it from getting watered down. In fact, the festivities didn’t end until the fountain had been drunk completely dry.

Jeez. Speaking of parties, though, I have to give it up to the Gift Foundation for putting on a ridiculous fundraiser event last night. It’s a beautiful (scary?) thing when you see all the men who are usually don the same aloha print/khaki pant ensemble dressed in tights and makeup. By the way, it was a costume party. While this party had nothing on Admiral Russell, I have to say that it was the best fundraiser I’ve ever been to.

Now, back to the topic at hand…drinking. One of the recurring discussions this week with one of my coworkers revolves around the connection of alcohol and the history of man. For example, in the middle ages it was actually safer to drink beer than water. Why? Because beer is boiled of course! So guess who was more likely to get sick, someone who drinks more beer or more water? Well, so too much of the foamy stuff will make you sick…but nothing keeps the plague at bay like a pint!

The Honolulu Weekly, a local alternative publication, featured “Nightmare Neighbors” in their latest issue.

Here’s a sample:

Turns out his wife (who was nice and functional!) was doing her medical residency in Oregon and he was bipolar and not taking his meds. He had inherited his home from his mother, who had passed away from cancer. He did not work. He locked himself in the house and watched TV and masturbated all day. Finally, his wife convinced him to sell the house and move to Oregon. me to thinking about my past nightmare neighbors.

At my last apartment, we were surrounded by the neighbors from hell:

Monkey Boy – He was dubbed this endearing term by my boyfriend. And really, it fit. If you’ve ever been to the zoo and visited the monkey area, then you’ll be more than familiar with the sounds of my last neighborhood. We concluded that he must have Tourette syndrome, or something similar. The monkey calls would get worse in the evening, going from once every hour to once every five minutes. I would have felt bad for this kid, but he and his emo friends would skateboard at obscene hours of the night and early, early morning.Shuffle, Spit and Moon – At my old place, there was a Vietnamese lady (fob-ish) who used to go “running” every morning at about 5:30 or 6 a.m. She would usually be in a skimpy slip and slippers. So I’d wake up to hear the sound of her slippers dragging on the pavement. I have running in quotation marks, because really all she did was shuffle up and down the street. Then there was the spitting. I guess shuffling made her salivate more than usual (like my doggies, how interesting) so periodically she hock a loogie. Loudly. Now I wish the story ended right there. On top of her shuffle spit combo, she also had a tendency to moon people. I never figured out if she did this intentionally, or because she really was that clueless. On one occasion, she offered me some extra order of pho that she had ordered, but was not able to finish. I happily obliged and then she bent over and picked it up from inside her apartment. I wasn’t very hungry after seeing a full moon in the middle of the afternoon. Other than that, she was a nice lady.Dirt(y)-Flinging Old Man – When we went to the apartment showing, our Realtor warned us about one of our neighbors (though in retrospect, he should have warned against ALL our neighbors) The older woman living next to us was happy, always smiling and greeted us when passed by. Her husband, on the other hand was grumpy, never said hello and liked to complain. One morning, after having friends over for the night before, we found dirt all over our patio and stuck to our door. Someone had thrown dirt balls at our front door, and the ones that missed were all over the patio. Later that week, I happened to have a conversation with shuffle, spit, moon lady and she mentioned that old grumpy man throw mud and crap into her yard area and against the outside of her unit wall. Not crap as in “random bunch of stuff,” I’m talking the kind that comes out of your butt. Apparently, he also keyed her car when they started parking it closer to his fence. Needless to say, I wish we wore gloves to clean up the patio and door that weekend.

Luckily, my new place is much friendlier and happier. The only thing that comes close to a nightmare is….Leftover Lady – We have an old lady living next door who likes to give us food. At first it was innocent and a nice gesture. Her food wasn’t usually too appetizing, given half of it was swimming in grease or unrecognizable as something edible. Then she started leaving food for us, even if we weren’t in the apartment to give it to. Unfortunately, she resorted to throwing it over her balcony, onto ours. Or placing it at the edge of our balcony wall, in perfect position for it to be knocked over onto (or rather, all over) our balcony.

Interestingly enough, my parents’ neighbors in Wahiawa are much more normal than the ones I had. Go figure. Do you have a nightmare neighbor story? Let’s hear it.